Jeff, is that you?

I have 2 Jeffreys in my life- both go by the name Jeff. One is my cousin in San Jose, California and the other is a guy I date who I usually refer to as NB. My cousin Jeff is in my phone contacts as 'JEFF' and the Jeff that I date is in my phone contacts with his first and last name.

Sometime last year, before Christmas but after August (can't remember shit), I got a text message from a number that said "Hey, this is Jeff" followed by some pictures of random things- flowers, grassy knolls, tree or some shit, I don't really recall. I vaguely remember replying with 'Cuz, what are you doing' and received a reply saying something to the effect of being bored but was called 'ma'. See my cousin, Jeff, is one of those Asian B Boys from California who thinks he is XZIBIT- and has called me 'ma' or 'lil ma' since the late 90s.

So I assumed this text was from him.

It wasn't.

Since that text last year, I received a picture here and there and sent comments, all the while thinking my cousin is super bored out of his mind- bothering me with his photos.

Until just a few days ago- I actually engaged my 'cousin' in a short text conversation. I received a few pictures then asked my cousin about his job- which got a chuckle then 4 pictures of BOOK COVER ART. The text that followed were about selling his book on Amazon and ebooks and his new book. AND FROM WHAT I KNOW MY COUSIN IS NOT ALL THAT SMART (sorry cuz). So.... I was confused. The text continued until I decided to ask if this person was my cousin.

This was some crazy ass shit. Who the fuck was this guy? Was it my cousin just fucking with me? Had I met this dude, had his number and could not remember who the fuck he was? By this text message, I was convinced that I had met dude and just did not remember who the hell he was, so I decided to call him.

When I spoke with him- I was convinced we had met but that we just never made a connection and forgot who each other was. He sent me pictures. I have never met him. I sent him pictures- I will not share those with you. 

I talked on the phone with Jeff for about an hour- he in California and me here. Fucking strange. And what was even weirder was how much we had in common.

He is a published author- I plan on reading his books on the DL- and when he is in Dallas in a few months, he has offered to buy me a beer.

Weird, eh?

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words or 3some Equals More Cuddles

Maybe one day I will get into graphic details of my first MMF 3some. I don't think there is much of the event that I will ever forget. It was an epic night and I was so happy to share this experience with a playmate that I will be loosing next month. It has always been hard for me to form attachments to people- I suppose this is why I make a terrible girlfriend. But I have been working on that flaw in my character. I make attempts to connect with people and stay connected. Soon my playmate will be moving out of state- not far- but surely too far to drive for a late night fuck. He has helped me crack my halo more than a few times. I appreciate him.  I will miss him. 

A little about the 3some.

My playmate answered the door in a costume and my guest playmate was inside looking very pretty- seriously he was pretty but naughty uber kinky too. 

There was a little drinking. A lot of ecstasy. Porn. Poker. Dancing. Music. Tortellini. And costume changes!!! I think we may have all gotten naked and dressed 4 or 5 times!!! Playmate wore my kitsune ears for a lot of the evening not even knowing he had them on- it was awesome.

There were a lot of heart rate cuddle and water breaks and everything seemed to roll very naturally (Well we were on drugs). On one hand you have my playmate who is rage/agro fucker, he is very into giving it if you know what I mean. And on the other hand you have guest playmate who told me 'I like to be close'- he was more touchy feely huggy lovey. There was a lot more one on one time with him as I think we were on the same 'petting' x vibe. Both called me 'dahlin'- and I fucking love that.

I may get ballsy and post a few sex pictures and write about the event in more detail at a later date. But for now her is a very sweet picture which encompasses the feeling of the entire event. Playmate offered guest playmate the guest bedroom but I wanted him with us. I have never felt more comfortable going to bed than when I was in the arms of two men. Us getting ready for bed. 

I love PvP and will be rollin on X tonight.

Had to post this picture before I head off to see my attorney. I am not in trouble or anything, no worries- just arbitration.

Anyways- epic night planned. Deets to follow.

Here is a little pic of one Level 21 Cleric in Rift. Wes introduced me to the world or war fronts on Rift and I am super hooked. Took the cleric out to the war front today for a test drive. Black gardens levels 20-29. My girl did not do to shabby.
See:

My addiction to Rift grows and my relationship status to NB may be suffering.

OK lets face it. If one had to categorize my relationship with NB (Not my Boyfriend), one would categorize him as a 'Boyfriend'- although he isn't as I have not made that determination. But I speak to him every day- see him a few times a week and on most weekends, I am his date. We cuddle, we hold hands, we cook for each other- on the surface it is all very 'couply'.

I date other people.

I have never asked. But he does.

We don't talk about it.

I like NB very much. He reminds me of a guy I used to date a couple of years ago. Our relationship reminds me of that guy I used to date a few years ago. Both epic guys, great sense of humor, pleasant personalities, driven, caring, loving- but lacking a little bit in the two things I desire most in a long term partner- Alpha #Tigersblood and sexual prowess.

Sadly, even though I date NB on the regular, I enjoy sex with someone else I am seeing far more. This has become a slippery slope for me as I want to have sex with NB less and less as time goes on. Knowing what awesome chemistry I can have with someone else- that chemistry, where sparks fly and angels sing and shit. But there is no substance there- it is just sex, really.

Story of my life I think...
On paper, picture perfect dude, loves me regardless of my faults, willing to welcome me into his life regardless of my baggage and I enjoy sex with someone else who isn't at all good for me. On one hand a guy worthy of being the father of my future children and on the other hand, guy(s) I will most likely have to bail out of jail, will set my belongings on fire, but can give me the most awesome orgasms ever.

What to do, what to do.
So like any responsible adult who has had her share of heartaches.
I do nothing.
And just let things happen.

But... I also think my current obsession with the video game Rift- has started to affect my relationship with NB. I have been late to meeting him because I was playing Rift. I have been with him and wanted to go home to play Rift. I have been on the phone with him and zone out in our conversations because I was thinking of Rift. Problem much? I think so.

I have been spoiled in this relationship, very spoiled. NB is aware that I bore easy and get distracted by all things shiny but I can tell from his tone that I am losing favor. And I don't know how much I care.

I fail miserably at relationship.
Thankfully I AM AT A POINT IN MY LIFE THAT I DON'T WANT ONE.

I think I just rage quit this blog post.

Is twitter the new singles bar or Have you ever seen my DM box?

I am a prolific tweeter and have been for a few years. I enjoy micro blogging just like I enjoy talking about myself. I tweet about complete randomness and Patron. Are my tweets overly sexual? I don't think so- but I often get @replies that take me there. I tweet about life, love and the pursuit of whatever my obsession happens to be at that moment- shoes, star wars legos, sex, drugs, music, rift, etsy.

There is something completely liberating about twitter- maybe it is the anonymity of the entire thing. Twitter is like a unmoderated chatroom in flux- you never know who is chatting, people come and they go, and basically you can say whatever the fuck you want. I like that. I may show my face and give some 'real life' details about my occupation, location, etc... but the people who follow me, don't really know me. Unless of course they are my friends outside of my tweet box. I have a handful of 'real' friends who are in my tweet stream and most are not shocked at the things I say.

In 'public' tweets- much of what goes on in my stream is silly, chatty, catty, and well I admit it- down right retarded.  But... my DM box is where the party is!!!

I get a breadth of DMs- from just private chatter with the girls/guys, sexual DMs, someone needing someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, someone seeking advice,  people asking questions, but I would say that the vast majority of DMs are flirty! Women, men, inanimate objects seeking a more intimate connection via direct messages. I do not always reply- especially if you are throwing that creepy sleazy vibe. I do not always flirt back in fact. I have been told that I was not a very good flirt. PSHAW!

Is twitter the new singles bar?
See a pretty avatar and some interesting tweets and then make your way over to their part of the twitter stream? Send them some @replies first to test the waters and then BAM she/he follows you back. Oh it is on and cracking now! But what do you say?

For a trollop and a 'modern' and 'independent' woman- I am very traditional! Traditional in the sense that I prefer the flirter to make any and all first moves! I am basically talking about non twitter flirting here but I think the same rule applies. In my dating life- I never make the first call, I never plan the dates, I never pay and I expect you to remember all proper dating etiquette. If you have not opened the door for me, I will prompt you! If you have not asked for me to have a seat or offer me a drink, you will get a reminder followed by a 'were you raised in a barn'. I may exhibit a lot of masculine energy but I still like to be treated like a lady when I have my clothes on.

I was replying back and forth to a lovely fellow the other day and @s turned to DMs. Friendly and informative DMs at first then turned a little flirty. Remember to read from the bottom up.

The conversation simply began about my experience in Haiti over the summer. Then we both share our phobia of toilets that do not flush. And low and behold in just a few characters it is flirting- geek style. I won't share the rest of the DMs are they get pretty involved about life and love and what not- but I am sure you get the picture.

Is twitter the new singles bar? I don't think so at all! I do think that flirt tweeting is a great confidence booster and ego stroke. Nothing ever has to go past flirting so there is no pressure and no drama.

Give it a whirl! And if you try this with me and I know you are married- I will remind you of your loving spouse every day!

Xoxo.

Shiny things, obsessions and Troll lulz.

Just like the dog Doug from the movie Up (yes I am comparing myself to an animated dog), I am really easy going, sometimes loyal and  am easily distracted by anything and everything. I also do sometimes wear a collar around my neck and can bark in several languages. I hate and love being this way. With work, being easily distracted sucks- I can be completely focused for 30 minutes and when my mind starts to drift to shoes or perfume or lunch, what is for lunch, do I have to order out, did I bring my lunch, can I run home for lunch, oooh I should not go to lunch and go to the MAC counter because I know that the lipstick that I have been waiting for has just been relaunched, but I need gas, there is that cute little accessory store by the shell gas station, I need some station cash for Everquest 2, did I ever get that code to download Rift from Direct 2 Drive, I am so glad I got that coupon code, oh I need to use my groupon before it expires- what was I doing, where was I?

Get my point? 

I have been told by some people that I may have ADHD- albeit the functioning variety. I never miss a deadline and can always call my focus back to task when needed so I never really looked into being diagnosed. I am a spaz and have been known to be extremely high strung and high energy. I smoke weed or have a few shots of Patron and I am on par with the rest of the middle level energy folks. One good thing about being a 'Doug'- is that obsessions wear quickly. I may obsess about one thing until the next thing comes along and this holds true for the men I date. For a few hours last night and then again this morning, I was obsessing over someone. This happens often so don't get all 'ooooo' and 'ahhhhh' about it.  I happen to cycle the obsession and pass the love around- although they never know it. 

Last night I kept thinking about dude, then again this morning- there was a brief pause during the day then my obsession  started again. My obsession completely stopped when I started looking for shoes which lead to me looking for purses which lead me talking to some other dude. Obsession ended.

I like things that are new and shiny. One sure fire way to get me to obsess over you for at least a few hours is to engage me in mind blowing secks or make me mad. One of those two things has to happen for you to be on my brain constantly. 

I know I obsess but I usually don't share that feeling with the object of my obsession as it is just a passing thing and I would never want to confuse anyone about the real feelings I have for them.

I tweeted this morning:

I try not to be but am sometimes selfish. I think at the emotional state I am currently in (still a little broken hearted but healing) I cannot ask people or expect them to give me what I cannot give to myself or return to them. I may be a trollop who obsesses with men she dates- but I, at one time, had deep feelings of love for someone who I asked to love me when I could not love myself.

But I digress, bring on teh lulz.

When I am bored and need a distraction, I troll. I troll for LULZ. Here is a snipped from a profile that I have somewhere on teh interwebs. 

Who in their right mind would message me? Does this read serious to you? It reads like 'troll' to me. There is the occasional that someone actually thinks I am charming and wants to get to know me better. I always reply and I am quite honest and friendly about it- if you seem like a nice dude.

Example:

See how nice. See how much of a good girl I am!!! Rawrrrr. 

Here is a random The Hangover photo. 

What are your 5 non negotiables? Are you fucking kidding me?

Not a new but a post post a repost from posterous

What are your 5 non negotiables? Are you fucking kidding me?

It must have been a few days ago- I can't remember, everything seems hazy,  (Just getting over a terrible flu/cold and was basically drunk on Nyquil for the past 4 days) that I was watching the MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER while talking to my girlfriend on the telephone. 

She is single and ready to mingle while I am single and LEAVE ME ALONE. I am not looking for that someone special. Been there done that, will do it again I am sure but I don't want it now. I am just having a great time doing what and who I want. But my girlfriend is actively looking for that someone special. She is in California and has been in and out of long term relationships since I have known her. 

While watching the show, Patti Stanger the Millionaire matchmaker lady asked her client what were her 5 non negotiables? My Cali girl friend shot hers off to me. 1, 2, 3. 4, 5. She must have given this some thought as it seemed natural for her to tell me- but when my girlfriend asked me "What are your 5 non negotiables"?- I just replied with an "uh uh uh I don't have any". Thankfully, I am not looking for that special someone in my life so I don't have to be prepared with a list of hard and fast non negotiables. But, the conversation with my gal pal got me to thinking. What are my qualifiers, what do I want/need from a Ms. or Mr. Right? 

I know that my heart and mind are connected- I cannot get turned on by a person if they do not have potential for longevity. NOT SAYING I JUST CANT SCREW THEM AND FORGET ABOUT IT- I totally can. But, I need to see the person as a match for me or I won't get moist, there is no chemistry- none!!! 

What if that person is totally hot? Yeah that is not doing it for me there has to be some substance there, they have to make me laugh, they have to 'get me'.

So with that being said, I came up with "5 non negotiables". 

Listed in no specific order:

1. Chemistry- I don't know how to  quantify this, either you have it together or you don't. There are many levels of chemistry, I suppose what I am seeking is the highest level where every time I see you I want to hop in the sack. I don't find intense chemistry that often but when I do- I hold onto it for a very long time.  

2. Self confidence that at least matches my own. Yeah I can't do whiney baby emo, I just can't. I like strong people. I feed off of powerful masculine (even in a woman) energy. I even find cocky a bit sexy- not douchy cocky but very high self confidence.

3. Intelligence- Book smarts and street smarts. A nice mixture of formal education and street swagga. Can we discuss Jacques Derrida while watching the Dallas cowboys game? Is a college education a must- Yes it is. College education is no measure of education, however a college education displays that at the very least you were smart enough to convince all of your professors to give you a passing grade.

4. Teh Funneh- If you don't make me laugh my pants don't come off. I love randomness and teh funneh. I love to laugh so hard that I cry real tears and I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by people who make me do this daily. I need funny in my life. I am pretty funny and I hate being in a relationship where I am the only one with wit- I am not here to entertain you. Lets entertain each other. 

5. Altruism-I give a lot of myself to my community, my friends, my family, and the world. I think it is important to be selfless and just be caring. It is hard to act on one's feelings of altruism, we have so many personal responsibilities- bills, taking care of loved ones, etc... But to have a heart that is altruistic, for another person to feel that they are obligated to make this world a better place, to leave this world satisfied that you did your part-well that is what I desire.

So thats my 5.

What a tall order!