Monday, December 19, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011

Tra la la la la...

Tis the season to be {fill in the black}, tra la la la la lalala.

Do I celebrate Christmas?
I sure the fuck do. I celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Birthdays, St. Patrick's day, your anniversary, red ribbon week, Cake Day, I fucking celebrate everything!! But what I do not do is celebrate Thanksgiving or celebrate these HOLYdays as they are intended. But neither do you.

I have to go to the mall today- because my little sister (the girl I mentor) wants to go shopping for a Christmas present for her mother. She is a Christian. I am not. We do not discuss religion or anything of that nature.

I understand what all the fuss is about, I really do. You get caught up in the moment and this is a special time of the year where you can show loved ones they are valued- by buying them that perfect gift. I send my family presents for their holiday, because I love them and they celebrate Christmas.

(after shopping with my little sister)
I believe I heard more arguments in the mall today that I heard Holiday cheer or laughter. I happened to hear a daughter tell her mother that she was spending too much money and 'they are not even going to play with it anyways so why are you buying it for them'  in the toy section of TJ MAX.

Tra la la la la...

In Bed Bath and Beyond, I heard two ladies discussing how whatever they were looking for was too hard to find and that they might as well 'give the fuck up'.

These are the happiest of times!

If you are so compelled to buy shit and basically throw your money away on useless crap- I offer you this suggestion.  DONATE MONEY TO A CHARITY ON THEIR BEHALF.

Sure still buy them that panty or wine of the month but if you want to go overboard... Give them a gift that really has value,

WWF is one of my favorites during the holidays.


Saturday, August 27, 2011

Detoxing and stuff

Little did I know that the yoga boot camp I signed up for was a yoga detox boot camp. I was expecting to fine tune some poses and maybe learn some new ones. But, what I got was this super intense yoga practice coupled with restriction of diet, meditation, and journaling. Today is my 13th day of the boot camp and yesterday I introducted Nauli 3 to my daily routine and a longer meditative practice at night. I take no caffeine, no processed foods, no sugar and no alcohol. I totes miss my caffeine and alcohol but the detox is only 21 days. I can do anything for just 21 days. In the past 13 days, at night, I have been shit dog tired and easily go to sleep.I do not think of any of the things and people that have been stressing me this month- I don't worry, I just go to sleep. And this is awesome.

I have been in and out of emo all summer. I was letting toxic people infiltrate my life, blind me with beer, weed, sex, and false promises. But, I had a great time chopping down trees when I was in Springfield, MA- so my summer was not a complete wash. 

This detox process has helped me open my eyes to see how poisonous some of the things I do are. (Other things aside from the recreational use of weed and X) 

I have also realized in 13 days that the way I cope with the issues I have in my life is by helping others. I am always throwing myself into volunteering, giving and caring for others - in an attempt to help them instead of deal with whatever issues I am having at that moment. I suppose that is how I run away. I run into helping people. This made me think even more- maybe my altruistic tendencies are really just selfish. 
It isn't a negative realization, just a realization. I do firmly believe that it is better to give than to receive.

I will continue some more self introspection as I go into the third phase of my yoga detox.

I still suck at chatarunga and my side crow looks like shit- but I keep practicing.

Tomorrow I begin a 48 hour fast. Yippie.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

3 month Long Roller Coaster Ride (and not the good kind)

In the past 3 months a lot has happened. It was a roller coaster ride that I never want to get on ever again for as long as I live until death and beyond. I typically like roller coaster rides they are like having sex with crazy people. You go up and everything is seemly normal, then weeeeeeeeeeeee you head down screaming in ecstasy (or if you are me screaming in ecstasy while you are on ecstasy).

I got lost in a vision of having sex with a crazy person- now where was I? Oh yes. So... 3 months ago, I learned that the grant that funds my program was on the chopping block (now officially chopped). We lost 2.2 million and I am the only person from that program that can still say she is employed. There is no more program.

I cried.

My favorite playmate moved away.
All of my co-workers lost their jobs.
And (at that time) I could not find any weed.

To make matters worse- I threw myself back into the comforting arms of NB aka RB aka JeffI who I just ended up using and hurting.

And the cowboy really enjoyed being a whipping boy. Sadly, I figured out that I did not like whipping him at all. In fact, I never want to whip a man again for the rest of my life until death and beyond. It just really isn't for me- kind of I can take a whipping but I can't dish it out at all. I was actually disgusted and completely turned off at the request for whippings. The cowboy and I are still friends, he still tries to get me drunk so I can get naked with him- but it is unlikely that it will happen again. I am happy for him though as he got to fly his freak flag a little bit.

Needless to say, it was a pretty fucked up 3 months. For those 3 months, I did not know if I would have a job.I was majorly stressed and took up drinking lots and lots of beer. I think I gained 10 pounds and I blame beer!!

Things are much better now though.
My old playmate and I have reconnected a little bit and we had the opportunity to spend some time together.
I still have a job, same work, different title, more travel, less pay- 8% less- but in this economy I will take it. It is contract work, same as before so in 15 months I may be almost jobless again. But a lot can happen in 15 months.

I am off to clean up tornado debris for a few weeks. I am sure I will have lots of stories to tell after that.


Saturday, July 16, 2011

3 months no post

So much has happened in the past 3 months. Way too much for me to blog about in the next 2 minutes. Update coming soon.

Next post will talk about the men in my life, my visits to the dentists, work, summer, and tornadoes.

But until then.

'eyes wide open'

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Celibacy, beer, and tarot card readings, oh my.

On Celibacy:
A beautiful day, a fantastic lunch, great conversation about MMOs, kilt, kinky, and a thick southern drawl broke my vow of celibacy.
As if I cared, anyways.

I did a little purging of my personal life (read: no more NB) and played low key on the flirting for a few days. 11 days later I decided to jump back into the sack with a cowboy. Cowboy is super sweet and super high energy and fucking him was like fucking someone who was on coke. Anyways... Cowboy is the ultimate vanilla lover- very willing to please, very shy, not adventurous, but very eager. There may have been a belt laying on the floor that I may have picked up and slapped his ass with and when I asked him if he would like for me to whip him, he responded with  'I don't know'. 'I DON'T KNOW' MEANS YES!
After rolling around in the hay for a while, we got into a deep discussion about sex. Cowboy disclosed that his experiences have not been kinky or adventurous and I told him that I could change that for him, if he was willing. He is willing. I will be his coach.

I have had great lovers in my life and have been fortunate enough to have a kinky coach myself. So, I will play the kinky forward. Teach this cowboy a few kinky tricks or two and he can then pass this on to other lovers he will have and so on and so forth. See what I just did there? I am always trying to help someone *smile*

On Beer: 
What has gotten into me since St. Pat's day: BEER!!! Not only do I enjoy Guinness, I now enjoy Modelo - thanks to Cowboy for introducing this to me.
On Tarot card reading: 

When I was 20, I stopped by a local fortune teller shop and on a whim paid for a tarot reading for myself and my roommate. It was all on a whim. I thought the lady was complete bullshit- she told me all the things that a 20 year old did not want to hear- about, a failed marriage, failure at romance, moving states, relationships in general, depression, excess substance use... Bullshit, right? All of what I remember her telling me has come true. There are details of my personal life that I do not share on any platform, these are details that I always keep to myself until I feel trust with that person I am disclosing to. But trust me, the bitch was spot on. 

This weekend, on a whim again, at the Forth Worth Main Street Arts Festival, a palm reading sign caught my eye. I thought to myself, why the F not. At this point in my life, I do not have many unanswered life questions and for the most part, I do not have many problems. I am happy with who I am and where I am in my life. So, needless to say I had no questions for Psychic Contessa (name on her card by the way). Contessa asked me if I prefer to have my tarot cards read instead of my palm and I agreed. She asked me if I had any questions for her and I responded 'just tell me what you see'.

This is what she told me about the present:

  • People are two faced to me, happy to my face but jealous of me behind my back. 
  • There are some people who wish I was not happy.
  • I am a happy and giving person that thinks of others before myself.
  • I am stable in my life but wish for more wealth.
  • I cannot keep a relationship for very long and may also self sabotage the relationships.
  • I meet people and connect with them easily- but often lose touch.
  • I loved someone very deeply and think of him every night.

Pretty generic enough. I mean these facts could basically fit anyone. 

This is what she told me about the future:

  • I will own my own business in 4 years.
  • I will meet a man in the next 3 months who will make me rethink my stance on relationships.
  • I will be traveling in the next 2 months for more than 2 weeks but less than a month and this trip will make me extremely happy.
  • In the next 6 months there will be a huge change with your job and your location.
  • Money will be coming my way from now until 6 months from now, a substantial amount.
  • I will remain healthy. 
  • I will remarry.
So. Meh, lets see if any of these things happen to me. AND IF THEY DO I AM GOING BACK TO HER FOR LOTTO NUMBERS! 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

De cluttering my personal life and washing the baseboards of my mind or I am playing a lot of Rift


Yes, I had to use all caps for that.

Oh spring!
Grass growing green, weeds too.
Birds singing,
Everything seems new.
But it is the same old shit- just different year.


I am on Celibacy day 9. Honestly, I don't remember why I am tracking my celibacy; I just am. However, I have had a little bit of clarity as the past 9 days I have abstained from any physical contact or 'too' flirty conversations and/or emails/texts/subliminal messages with anyone-  my mind is free of romance clutter.

Aside,of course, for the lovely text messages I have been exchanging with a young chap (Yes I said chap and yes he is old enough to buy beer) about a fantasy date trip to the moon or other flirty, dorky, cutsey stuff that may involve masterbation, hands, and Pokemon balls.

I have not tweeted much lately about my non-relationship with NB. I was never going to be his girlfriend. I never wanted a relationship. I told him many times that I was not ready for a relationship, I was still damaged, I just wanted things to be casual. Truth is, or so I think, that I just did not want to have a relationship with him. So with heavy heart, I told him what I thought and we have ended our friendship, completely. I really strive to be a honest and open person- I feel compelled to tell the truth and sadly, I do not have the social skills to sugar coat what needs to be said. But, my darling NB, Jeff, was in love with me and the closest I could get to loving him was loving the way I felt when he did things for me.

Last fall, my heart was broken, shattered really- but I think it unfair to myself and to others that I continue to use that excuse as a crutch. I met a man who I thought was my soul mate- everything about him made me want to be a better 'me'. But, the stars did not align for us, there were no parting of the clouds, and angels did not drop from your heaven and wish us well. Shit just sometimes doesn't work out.

So I threw myself into a non-relationship with a man who was lacking two important characteristics that I would need in a partner. He lacked self confidence that matched my own- I really need someone in my life more alpha than I. And we did not have that 'wild animal fucking' chemistry that I crave. (more on my checklist here:Old blog post)

And I was very clear in the onset of this non-relationship that I was not looking for a relationship, AT ALL. I just wanted to enjoy his company. At the time, he thought it an awesome idea. Fast Forward a few months and he may have changed his mind and created expectations of me and our non-relationship that I was not aware of.

There were key indicators of his dissatisfaction with this arrangement- there was the late night text messages inquiring of my whereabouts, there were snarky conversations about what or who I was doing when we were not together- but when we were together he was happy.

He told me a few weeks ago that it felt like I was his girlfriend when we were together- he discussed with me all the 'couply' things that we did together, like how we would take naps, just naps together in the middle of the day or go to Costco and buy soy milk- but he also told me that he thought I was doing the same thing with someone else.

I was not.
But, I was not about to argue my position in this 'non-relationship'.
I may have acted the part of his girlfriend when he needed me to, subconsciously. I also, in retrospect, think he viewed our 'non-relationship' a lot differently than I did. To me, he was a good friend that I could share everything with and sometimes do this while we were naked. To him, I was a broken hearted girl that only needed time to heal to realize that he was the one for me.

I never asked for exclusivity.
I may have inadvertently gave him false hope by just being who I am.

So with that said, I will try my hardest not to 'throw that p' (Reference to what that means in video below) to any unsuspecting new victims, I will try to keep my hands to myself and level any 'girlfriend' expectation that may arise.

So I take this celibacy thing of mine as a emotional and physical cleansing of sorts. There is not a goal of how many days I want to remain celibate- there is no 'end game' to my celibacy- I have gotten what I needed from going a whole 9 days without sex.

A little bit of de cluttering. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

If you are fucked up in the head, chances are- we are gonna hook up!

I think secretly (not so secretly, anymore) I love crazy people.

It seems if someone is emotionally unstable, I will seek them out and date them! Especially if it is the type of person who says they are cool with the whole casual relationship thing, but they really want a relationship and think that they can change your mind- yeah I think I can sniff you out of a crowd of five million and give you and only you my phone number.

I canceled my date with cowboy for the third time in two weeks. I may have wanted to see the kilt and cowboy boots more than actually spend time to get to know the guy. And maybe I wanted him to keep calling me 'Dahlin' in that thick ass southern accent, maybe, just maybe.

Ok lets recap the men in my life, shall we.

There is NB- our drama is on a whole other level of crazy.

There was Mucha Lucha who is very bi-polar and gone.

And We have Cowboy.

Cowboy is has emo/bi polar tendencies and has ex hang ups. I got them too, I am not being judgy- I am still heart broken over the Canadian who used to tweet as @LycanMercutio- but, I digress.

This is why I canceled the date with Cowboy, again.

So he was dogging his ex a little bit and that wasn't a big deal to me but what was a big deal to me was the random BUT SOMETIMES YOU GET ATTACHED bullshit. This is red flag for me. I quickly used my Rift excuse to get out of that convo. Cowboy is super sweet guy but again I think I have found someone who is looking for that girlfriend- and I am not her. I did tell him I do not, under any circumstances, want a relationship.

In other news:

My stranger danger friend from the wrong number plays picture caption with me. I bet he is a psycho too- but  it doesn't matter as he is thousands of miles away from me.

He looks a lot psycho, right? Figures.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Jeff, is that you?

I have 2 Jeffreys in my life- both go by the name Jeff. One is my cousin in San Jose, California and the other is a guy I date who I usually refer to as NB. My cousin Jeff is in my phone contacts as 'JEFF' and the Jeff that I date is in my phone contacts with his first and last name.

Sometime last year, before Christmas but after August (can't remember shit), I got a text message from a number that said "Hey, this is Jeff" followed by some pictures of random things- flowers, grassy knolls, tree or some shit, I don't really recall. I vaguely remember replying with 'Cuz, what are you doing' and received a reply saying something to the effect of being bored but was called 'ma'. See my cousin, Jeff, is one of those Asian B Boys from California who thinks he is XZIBIT- and has called me 'ma' or 'lil ma' since the late 90s.

So I assumed this text was from him.

It wasn't.

Since that text last year, I received a picture here and there and sent comments, all the while thinking my cousin is super bored out of his mind- bothering me with his photos.

Until just a few days ago- I actually engaged my 'cousin' in a short text conversation. I received a few pictures then asked my cousin about his job- which got a chuckle then 4 pictures of BOOK COVER ART. The text that followed were about selling his book on Amazon and ebooks and his new book. AND FROM WHAT I KNOW MY COUSIN IS NOT ALL THAT SMART (sorry cuz). So.... I was confused. The text continued until I decided to ask if this person was my cousin.

This was some crazy ass shit. Who the fuck was this guy? Was it my cousin just fucking with me? Had I met this dude, had his number and could not remember who the fuck he was? By this text message, I was convinced that I had met dude and just did not remember who the hell he was, so I decided to call him.

When I spoke with him- I was convinced we had met but that we just never made a connection and forgot who each other was. He sent me pictures. I have never met him. I sent him pictures- I will not share those with you. 

I talked on the phone with Jeff for about an hour- he in California and me here. Fucking strange. And what was even weirder was how much we had in common.

He is a published author- I plan on reading his books on the DL- and when he is in Dallas in a few months, he has offered to buy me a beer.

Weird, eh?

Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words or 3some Equals More Cuddles

Maybe one day I will get into graphic details of my first MMF 3some. I don't think there is much of the event that I will ever forget. It was an epic night and I was so happy to share this experience with a playmate that I will be loosing next month. It has always been hard for me to form attachments to people- I suppose this is why I make a terrible girlfriend. But I have been working on that flaw in my character. I make attempts to connect with people and stay connected. Soon my playmate will be moving out of state- not far- but surely too far to drive for a late night fuck. He has helped me crack my halo more than a few times. I appreciate him.  I will miss him. 

A little about the 3some.
My playmate answered the door in a costume and my guest playmate was inside looking very pretty- seriously he was pretty but naughty uber kinky too. 
There was a little drinking. A lot of ecstasy. Porn. Poker. Dancing. Music. Tortellini. And costume changes!!! I think we may have all gotten naked and dressed 4 or 5 times!!! Playmate wore my kitsune ears for a lot of the evening not even knowing he had them on- it was awesome.

There were a lot of heart rate cuddle and water breaks and everything seemed to roll very naturally (Well we were on drugs). On one hand you have my playmate who is rage/agro fucker, he is very into giving it if you know what I mean. And on the other hand you have guest playmate who told me 'I like to be close'- he was more touchy feely huggy lovey. There was a lot more one on one time with him as I think we were on the same 'petting' x vibe. Both called me 'dahlin'- and I fucking love that.

I may get ballsy and post a few sex pictures and write about the event in more detail at a later date. But for now her is a very sweet picture which encompasses the feeling of the entire event. Playmate offered guest playmate the guest bedroom but I wanted him with us. I have never felt more comfortable going to bed than when I was in the arms of two men. Us getting ready for bed. 

Friday, March 11, 2011

I love PvP and will be rollin on X tonight.

Had to post this picture before I head off to see my attorney. I am not in trouble or anything, no worries- just arbitration.

Anyways- epic night planned. Deets to follow.

Here is a little pic of one Level 21 Cleric in Rift. Wes introduced me to the world or war fronts on Rift and I am super hooked. Took the cleric out to the war front today for a test drive. Black gardens levels 20-29. My girl did not do to shabby.

Friday, March 4, 2011

My addiction to Rift grows and my relationship status to NB may be suffering.

OK lets face it. If one had to categorize my relationship with NB (Not my Boyfriend), one would categorize him as a 'Boyfriend'- although he isn't as I have not made that determination. But I speak to him every day- see him a few times a week and on most weekends, I am his date. We cuddle, we hold hands, we cook for each other- on the surface it is all very 'couply'.

I date other people.

I have never asked. But he does.

We don't talk about it.

I like NB very much. He reminds me of a guy I used to date a couple of years ago. Our relationship reminds me of that guy I used to date a few years ago. Both epic guys, great sense of humor, pleasant personalities, driven, caring, loving- but lacking a little bit in the two things I desire most in a long term partner- Alpha #Tigersblood and sexual prowess.

Sadly, even though I date NB on the regular, I enjoy sex with someone else I am seeing far more. This has become a slippery slope for me as I want to have sex with NB less and less as time goes on. Knowing what awesome chemistry I can have with someone else- that chemistry, where sparks fly and angels sing and shit. But there is no substance there- it is just sex, really.

Story of my life I think...
On paper, picture perfect dude, loves me regardless of my faults, willing to welcome me into his life regardless of my baggage and I enjoy sex with someone else who isn't at all good for me. On one hand a guy worthy of being the father of my future children and on the other hand, guy(s) I will most likely have to bail out of jail, will set my belongings on fire, but can give me the most awesome orgasms ever.

What to do, what to do.
So like any responsible adult who has had her share of heartaches.
I do nothing.
And just let things happen.

But... I also think my current obsession with the video game Rift- has started to affect my relationship with NB. I have been late to meeting him because I was playing Rift. I have been with him and wanted to go home to play Rift. I have been on the phone with him and zone out in our conversations because I was thinking of Rift. Problem much? I think so.

I have been spoiled in this relationship, very spoiled. NB is aware that I bore easy and get distracted by all things shiny but I can tell from his tone that I am losing favor. And I don't know how much I care.

I fail miserably at relationship.

I think I just rage quit this blog post.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Is twitter the new singles bar or Have you ever seen my DM box?

I am a prolific tweeter and have been for a few years. I enjoy micro blogging just like I enjoy talking about myself. I tweet about complete randomness and Patron. Are my tweets overly sexual? I don't think so- but I often get @replies that take me there. I tweet about life, love and the pursuit of whatever my obsession happens to be at that moment- shoes, star wars legos, sex, drugs, music, rift, etsy.

There is something completely liberating about twitter- maybe it is the anonymity of the entire thing. Twitter is like a unmoderated chatroom in flux- you never know who is chatting, people come and they go, and basically you can say whatever the fuck you want. I like that. I may show my face and give some 'real life' details about my occupation, location, etc... but the people who follow me, don't really know me. Unless of course they are my friends outside of my tweet box. I have a handful of 'real' friends who are in my tweet stream and most are not shocked at the things I say.

In 'public' tweets- much of what goes on in my stream is silly, chatty, catty, and well I admit it- down right retarded.  But... my DM box is where the party is!!!

I get a breadth of DMs- from just private chatter with the girls/guys, sexual DMs, someone needing someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, someone seeking advice,  people asking questions, but I would say that the vast majority of DMs are flirty! Women, men, inanimate objects seeking a more intimate connection via direct messages. I do not always reply- especially if you are throwing that creepy sleazy vibe. I do not always flirt back in fact. I have been told that I was not a very good flirt. PSHAW!

Is twitter the new singles bar?
See a pretty avatar and some interesting tweets and then make your way over to their part of the twitter stream? Send them some @replies first to test the waters and then BAM she/he follows you back. Oh it is on and cracking now! But what do you say?

For a trollop and a 'modern' and 'independent' woman- I am very traditional! Traditional in the sense that I prefer the flirter to make any and all first moves! I am basically talking about non twitter flirting here but I think the same rule applies. In my dating life- I never make the first call, I never plan the dates, I never pay and I expect you to remember all proper dating etiquette. If you have not opened the door for me, I will prompt you! If you have not asked for me to have a seat or offer me a drink, you will get a reminder followed by a 'were you raised in a barn'. I may exhibit a lot of masculine energy but I still like to be treated like a lady when I have my clothes on.

I was replying back and forth to a lovely fellow the other day and @s turned to DMs. Friendly and informative DMs at first then turned a little flirty. Remember to read from the bottom up.

The conversation simply began about my experience in Haiti over the summer. Then we both share our phobia of toilets that do not flush. And low and behold in just a few characters it is flirting- geek style. I won't share the rest of the DMs are they get pretty involved about life and love and what not- but I am sure you get the picture.

Is twitter the new singles bar? I don't think so at all! I do think that flirt tweeting is a great confidence booster and ego stroke. Nothing ever has to go past flirting so there is no pressure and no drama.

Give it a whirl! And if you try this with me and I know you are married- I will remind you of your loving spouse every day!


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Shiny things, obsessions and Troll lulz.

Just like the dog Doug from the movie Up (yes I am comparing myself to an animated dog), I am really easy going, sometimes loyal and  am easily distracted by anything and everything. I also do sometimes wear a collar around my neck and can bark in several languages. I hate and love being this way. With work, being easily distracted sucks- I can be completely focused for 30 minutes and when my mind starts to drift to shoes or perfume or lunch, what is for lunch, do I have to order out, did I bring my lunch, can I run home for lunch, oooh I should not go to lunch and go to the MAC counter because I know that the lipstick that I have been waiting for has just been relaunched, but I need gas, there is that cute little accessory store by the shell gas station, I need some station cash for Everquest 2, did I ever get that code to download Rift from Direct 2 Drive, I am so glad I got that coupon code, oh I need to use my groupon before it expires- what was I doing, where was I?

Get my point? 

I have been told by some people that I may have ADHD- albeit the functioning variety. I never miss a deadline and can always call my focus back to task when needed so I never really looked into being diagnosed. I am a spaz and have been known to be extremely high strung and high energy. I smoke weed or have a few shots of Patron and I am on par with the rest of the middle level energy folks. One good thing about being a 'Doug'- is that obsessions wear quickly. I may obsess about one thing until the next thing comes along and this holds true for the men I date. For a few hours last night and then again this morning, I was obsessing over someone. This happens often so don't get all 'ooooo' and 'ahhhhh' about it.  I happen to cycle the obsession and pass the love around- although they never know it. 

Last night I kept thinking about dude, then again this morning- there was a brief pause during the day then my obsession  started again. My obsession completely stopped when I started looking for shoes which lead to me looking for purses which lead me talking to some other dude. Obsession ended.

I like things that are new and shiny. One sure fire way to get me to obsess over you for at least a few hours is to engage me in mind blowing secks or make me mad. One of those two things has to happen for you to be on my brain constantly. 

I know I obsess but I usually don't share that feeling with the object of my obsession as it is just a passing thing and I would never want to confuse anyone about the real feelings I have for them.

I tweeted this morning:

I try not to be but am sometimes selfish. I think at the emotional state I am currently in (still a little broken hearted but healing) I cannot ask people or expect them to give me what I cannot give to myself or return to them. I may be a trollop who obsesses with men she dates- but I, at one time, had deep feelings of love for someone who I asked to love me when I could not love myself.

But I digress, bring on teh lulz.

When I am bored and need a distraction, I troll. I troll for LULZ. Here is a snipped from a profile that I have somewhere on teh interwebs. 

Who in their right mind would message me? Does this read serious to you? It reads like 'troll' to me. There is the occasional that someone actually thinks I am charming and wants to get to know me better. I always reply and I am quite honest and friendly about it- if you seem like a nice dude.


See how nice. See how much of a good girl I am!!! Rawrrrr. 

Here is a random The Hangover photo. 

Monday, February 21, 2011

What are your 5 non negotiables? Are you fucking kidding me?

Not a new but a post post a repost from posterous

What are your 5 non negotiables? Are you fucking kidding me?

It must have been a few days ago- I can't remember, everything seems hazy,  (Just getting over a terrible flu/cold and was basically drunk on Nyquil for the past 4 days) that I was watching the MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER while talking to my girlfriend on the telephone. 
She is single and ready to mingle while I am single and LEAVE ME ALONE. I am not looking for that someone special. Been there done that, will do it again I am sure but I don't want it now. I am just having a great time doing what and who I want. But my girlfriend is actively looking for that someone special. She is in California and has been in and out of long term relationships since I have known her. 
While watching the show, Patti Stanger the Millionaire matchmaker lady asked her client what were her 5 non negotiables? My Cali girl friend shot hers off to me. 1, 2, 3. 4, 5. She must have given this some thought as it seemed natural for her to tell me- but when my girlfriend asked me "What are your 5 non negotiables"?- I just replied with an "uh uh uh I don't have any". Thankfully, I am not looking for that special someone in my life so I don't have to be prepared with a list of hard and fast non negotiables. But, the conversation with my gal pal got me to thinking. What are my qualifiers, what do I want/need from a Ms. or Mr. Right? 
I know that my heart and mind are connected- I cannot get turned on by a person if they do not have potential for longevity. NOT SAYING I JUST CANT SCREW THEM AND FORGET ABOUT IT- I totally can. But, I need to see the person as a match for me or I won't get moist, there is no chemistry- none!!! 
What if that person is totally hot? Yeah that is not doing it for me there has to be some substance there, they have to make me laugh, they have to 'get me'.
So with that being said, I came up with "5 non negotiables". 
Listed in no specific order:
1. Chemistry- I don't know how to  quantify this, either you have it together or you don't. There are many levels of chemistry, I suppose what I am seeking is the highest level where every time I see you I want to hop in the sack. I don't find intense chemistry that often but when I do- I hold onto it for a very long time.  
2. Self confidence that at least matches my own. Yeah I can't do whiney baby emo, I just can't. I like strong people. I feed off of powerful masculine (even in a woman) energy. I even find cocky a bit sexy- not douchy cocky but very high self confidence.
3. Intelligence- Book smarts and street smarts. A nice mixture of formal education and street swagga. Can we discuss Jacques Derrida while watching the Dallas cowboys game? Is a college education a must- Yes it is. College education is no measure of education, however a college education displays that at the very least you were smart enough to convince all of your professors to give you a passing grade.
4. Teh Funneh- If you don't make me laugh my pants don't come off. I love randomness and teh funneh. I love to laugh so hard that I cry real tears and I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by people who make me do this daily. I need funny in my life. I am pretty funny and I hate being in a relationship where I am the only one with wit- I am not here to entertain you. Lets entertain each other. 
5. Altruism-I give a lot of myself to my community, my friends, my family, and the world. I think it is important to be selfless and just be caring. It is hard to act on one's feelings of altruism, we have so many personal responsibilities- bills, taking care of loved ones, etc... But to have a heart that is altruistic, for another person to feel that they are obligated to make this world a better place, to leave this world satisfied that you did your part-well that is what I desire.

So thats my 5.
What a tall order!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Trolloping through rift.

When I am not out and about trolloping and drinking Patron, I partake in other, more innocent hobbies- such as video games. Here is a short video from Rift which is in its last few hours of beta *sigh*. I am not sure I am completely sold.  I am all for playing video games but I do not necessarily want to commit to paying every month. The cost of the monthly subscription is rather cheap, as low as 9.99 which in some bars isn't even a shot of Patron silver for me. Can't even buy a MAC lipglass for 9.99. Anyways. Here is a little peak at the game I have been tweeting about this week.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Metro Mint, new Radiohead, and Video games

I made a plan to spend the weekend in! NB is in ATX visiting his family and I may have said I was not going anywhere at all this weekend. That idea lasted all of 3 hours. 

I found myself in Addison last night after dinner-  Radiohead 'Creep' via Karaoke and a few Patrons later, I was in a hotel room with friend. Oh and just as luck would have it- I started shark week- YES MY PERIOD! What?! YES! I am a week early, wtf, how did that happen? Did not matter anyways, friend was down for well lets just say,  he was very supportive of my needs. I kept my boots on too and now I feel like a real dirty cowgirl, but I digress. You don't want to hear raunchy deets about my night with my legs in the most contorted positions or how I may have dug my boot heel into his ass so hard it left marks. Btw- he says I was stabbing him with heel- I think he is a liar! There was only a little dig for encouragement going on.

Nope this post is not about that. 
Well it is but it isn't.

I really just wanted to post a pic of my elf chicha in Rift. 

I have my Metro Mint water, some apple slices, the new Radiohead playing in the background and am playing Rift. I will play this game on and off for the entire weekend as my choochie heals and I regain my good girl powa.

Pic posted. Mission accomplished. 

Friday, February 18, 2011

Risky business.

Sometimes cupcake partakes in risky business.
But cupcake is a smart cookie as not to put herself in too dangerous a situation to cause her great bodily harm or death (look folks I am here and still blogging).

Trollop Cupcake Rule #13

When one goes trolloping in areas not familiar or situations not familiar- have a designated safe person, DSP. What does that mean exactly? 

And please do this with as much detail as possible. Scared, scared that your friends will think poorly of the trolloping activities you are doing? I suggest you get better friends but in the mean time, find yourself someone who can follow instructions and will follow through on your behalf.

In this day and age- you can never be too safe.

When and where would I need to remember rule #13 and call/text/email my DSP?
If you are a single trollop, like myself- do this all the time. Make it a habit- even if just to text your girlfriend that you are going to see Gnomeo and Juliet with NB, I mean, just going to the movies. If you are sometimes naughty like myself and do trollopy like things- you need to keep yourself safe. But most importantly, remember to do this when:

  • you are meeting someone for the first time
  • you are leaving one place for another with someone you just met
  • you are going to someone's home/office for the first time (or riding in their car)
  • planning on doing any drugs with a person you only know casually or strangers (STRANGER DANGER)
  • are doing any type of D/S activities with a non long term partner.

Also remember, don't drink and drive, do not have unprotected sex, and for fuck sake do not have sex with someone unless you have some major details of their life like their NAME!

This post brought to you by the numbers and letters 3SOME.

Thanks Joe for being my DSP. 

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Love, Trolling and Lulz

I love to laugh. I keep myself rolling laughing all day long. I find being serious very difficult- even when at work. If laughter is the best medicine I will never be sick. 

I date, you know that. I date someone more seriously than others and rarely share with anyone the inner workings of our 'relationship'. I have a great time with him. He is hilarious and we keep each other in stitches when we are together. I keep most of what we share close to the chest like a good hand of cards I do not want anyone to see.

With that said- bring on the other boys!!!

This Text is from, well, he has no nick name yet- he is hilarious but all we talk about is getting it on. Maybe our friendship is too shallow for him to even have a nick name.

Trolling. Maybe you know or maybe you don't know that sometimes I am a troll. Our latest trolling adventure (oh yes I said our) is on a dating website. I have not had so many hours of laughs sitting at my desk. I have a profile there- very honest and open and basically TRUTHFUL. If you would ever read it, you would know that I am not looking for anything but LULZ- but not everyone understands that. If you get through my entire profile, which is hilarious, you will come down to a part where I say who should message me and who should not. I write about LARP and NINJAS and alpha males- I actually do this as a deterrent. I respond to everyone, some men are very rude and tell me to get a life and get off dating websites, others say they are looking for soul mates- I always respond. Always. If you greet me with friendliness, I will respond that I am just messing around and wish you luck looking for your special person. If you greet me with hostility, you will have your ass served to you. If you are unsure and you just greet me- I will engage you in a string of messages so long and so hilarious- you will think that this dating website is comedy central and will join me in my future trolling activities.

My army of trolls grows with every message.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Epic Failure- Drunk Text/Emailing

The iphone has a very big screen but after you have had a few drinks, it gets a little difficult to see. I suppose that is true with anything.

When you are 'dating', you collect phone numbers and email addresses of people whom you find interesting and possibly want to get to know better and you put these numbers in your phone. The day of the crumpled up piece of paper died a decade ago. Anywhoo.

When you are dating, sleeping with, seeing, flirting, getting to know several people at the same time that have the same initials, same last names, same first names or any of those combinations- drunk texting/emailing or any contact really is just not a good idea. And if you are really really drunk- texting/emailing/calling is just not a good idea.

For example (this was from last night)

I recieved a text message from dude.

Dude: Where ya at?
Me in reply to text but to someone else's email: you need toknow that you dontneedtoknow you nosey motherfucker.

What just happened here? I have no idea. I mean I really have no idea what happened there. AND THIS WAS NOT THE ONLY JUMBLED TEXT/EMAIL COMBO I sent last night. I sent  2 others but more innocent. I know-epic failure. I did send the most apologetic email to all parties involved.

Lesson of the day? For me: DON'T REPLY FOR FUCK SAKE!

 Reason number #39 why I hate the iphone:

This jacked up piece of shit has to display who sent the TEXT! So if you meet Jim and put his name in your contacts as Jim Likes to Get Rimmed, he will most likely text you when you are out to dinner with your parents and your phone is on the table and plain sight. Has this happen to me? Luckily, no.  But you are saying to yourself, 'Trollop, if Jim would call his name would also show up as Jim Likes to Get Rimmed". My answer to you is "Text is king! Who talks on the phone anymore? Especially some dude you just met who likes to get rimmed or whatever."


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

LULZ FWB email.

Today, I received a few emails back and forth from a 'friends with benefits'- or at least I think that is what I should call him because there are definitely benefits from being his friend- but he is a crack up!

I may have called him a retard and we went back and forth, and somehow he always ends up talking about his penis.


Guest blog post.

I was asked if I would be interested in submitting a ‘free read’ or ‘guest blog’ for I have never been one to turn down an opportunity to write about myself, so, I agreed. Originally, I set out to write about my first date with a lover of mine where his hands were down my pants 40 minutes into the date. But, instead what came out was totally unexpected. I wrote about heartache. It just came out. The blog post is very emotionally charged, raw, open and very very real. I usually do not like to talk about my pain- I mean who does? Who likes to be known as an emo?

Well with that said, the post should go live in a few days and I cannot wait to hear your thoughts.


Monday, February 7, 2011

Bi polar lover?

I have a strange relationship with a man. 
Epic secks, awkward cuddling, and all we seem to talk about is Lulz and politics and yes of course NAKED WRESTLING. I can't read him and I am usually really good at reading people. I suspect it is because he is bi-polar and/or just bat shit crazy. I am not looking for a relationship, he knows that. I am also seeing someone else and he knows that too. But one minute he is totally fine being the side guy, the next minute he wants deets on who I am sleeping with, then he misses me, then he thinks I am a lesbian, then then then then- he is a mother fucking seesaw. But secks is pure awesomeness so I  just deal with the crazy.

Is that something men do? Put up with crazy because the secks is good.

He may be a little perturbed with me as of late. I am a little slower returning phone calls, text messages, and emails and have given him one excuse after another why we can't get together on such and such date. I am not trying to diss, but trying to distance. Honestly, I like him lots- but he is so not stable and so not good for me. I can't shake him though- he showers me with lulz all day long.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

"Twitter"- and "This one is for you, sir."

I really do put my life on the (time) line. I am not a real trollop but am a real cupcake. I tweet about the most mundane things that happen, walking the dog, the arrival of my delivery pizza. But I also tweet about the erotic, exotic, and down right filthy (have you seen the toilet pic tweets?). Also as some of you know, I spend a good deal of last summer in Haiti helping out the people there and I tweeted about that also. My twitter timeline is all encompassing of me, the real me, the tweeter known as Trollop_cupcake.
I have a handful of real life friends on twitter, some who you have seen @reply to me and hold full on conversations on our time line, but then I also have a few friends who do not go public with their friendship with me- mostly because they use their real names on their twitter accounts or think I am an absolute horror on twitter, idk and idc- we always have a laugh about things I have tweeted when we are together anyways. Also, the man who broke my heart, this past fall, still, from time to time peeps into my twitter to see what is going on in my life.
What I say in my stream is very real and that goes for the private conversations via DM as well. 
What kinds of DMs do I get?
I get a lot of DMs that:
Ask for naked pictures.
Ask for my phone number.
Try to get me to look at naked pictures.
Ask me for advice.
And then the usual DMs- just being chatty and friendly.
Do I send naked pictures of myself out? NO! But I have been known to send some pictures of me, well, naked but you can't see that I am naked- lets just say they are naughty and if you have had the pleasure of seeing those- consider yourself very lucky. So I guess, YES I DO.
Do I give my phone number out? Not usually. I have made some friends from twitter and they have become great real life friends but will I just pass you my digits? Depends on your game I guess.  
Do I want to see your naked picture? For the most part yes.
Will I give you advice? I fail miserably at romance, I cannot stay in a relationship to save my life, sure yup sure I will give you advice.
And that is the reason for this blog post actually (pats her back for a great segue).

Some advice.
This one is for you, sir. (this will mean nothing to anyone else)

I have given your situation much thought and as much as I am not a believer in 'cheating', my advice to you is to get a mistress. No, I am not being silly. I am being dead serious. You have a wonderful relationship which only lacks one thing- sex. And it is possibly a little more than sex that you are missing, you are missing the adventure, the physical connection, the intimacy of actually placing your cock inside the person you love. How unfortunate. But, how lucky you are to have a spouse that may possibly be open to the idea of a second partner or even an open marriage.
My thoughts on open marriage- they don't work. However, I could be completely wrong. I am neither mature enough or confident enough in myself to marry a person who would want other relationships outside of the marriage. I see being a swinger and having an open marriage as two different things. Swingers do it together, open marriages, the spouses do who they want. You need to tell your wife your needs and your possible solutions which are 
1. Fuck me, lots and give me lots of blow jobs. 
2. Open marriage
3. Mistress- side piece.
The only way solution #3 would work is if you could find a partner that truly can subscribe to FWB- someone with whom you can connect with on many levels, find attractive, have excellent chemistry but that also is seriously not looking for a relationship, is mature enough to handle a relationship that is purely sexual, and respects your time and privacy. This will prove very difficult to find as most women, will eventually 'catch feelings'- and it is okay to have feelings for your FWB/SIDE HONEY/MISTRESS, that is totally okay, even natural- but ground rules have to be established and most importantly trust. Ideally, you would find a women in a similar situation, totally in love with her spouse who just cannot fulfill her sexually.

Good luck to you, my friend. If you were only a few thousand miles closer.

The magically delicious

Trollop Cupcake

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Things that make you say 'hmmmmmmm'

✔ I live in Texas. 
There are a lot of Christians (I am not one of them) in Texas.
✔ I have a handful of girlfriends that don't work but play golf all the time.
✔ These girls also wear shirts that have bling crosses on them.
✔ My choices of female friends is very limited.
✔ They send me chain emails.

I got a chain/group girlfriend email today from a friend who has a daughter in college. Most of the time I do not mind these emails as it keeps me abreast of what is going on in the lives of their families. 
But, IDK maybe I am just being a little picky today but the email irked me.
She writes about her daughter's accomplishments in college and how thankful they are and that god is good and continues to bless them- eerrrrrrrr *screeching halt*. Many thanks to god in the email and no kudos to her daughter for her hard work.
I suppose her daughter's decision to study instead of party must be god sending them blessings. I suppose it isn't hard work and determination. And I suppose that all a long you have prayed for your daughter to do well instead of encouraging her.
She goes on and on about blessings and being blessed and bless and bless you and achooo.
What happens if she does poorly in school next semester? Will your family be punished and your blessing be revoked? 
I know she is proud of her daughter- the email just came across as more preachy than anything.
I never impose my non belief on anyone so I replied to the email, simply asking for her daughter's mailing address so I could send her a cute card and a gift certificate to somewhere. 
I wanted to acknowledge HER hard work for HER accomplishments.
I am going to sit on my couch and pray for pizza to come- lets see how far that gets me. 

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Next Girl

The look of the cake 
It ain't always the taste 
My ex girl she had 
Such a beautiful face

I wanted love 
But not for myself 
But for the girl 
So she could love herself

My next girl 
Will be nothing like my ex girl 
I made mistakes back then 
I'll never do it again 
With my next girl 
She'll be nothing like my ex girl 
That was a painful dance 
Now I got a second chance

A beautiful face 
And a wicked way 
And I'm paying for her 
Beautiful face every day
All that work 
Over so much time If I think too hard 
I might lose my mind

My next girl 
Will be nothing like my ex girl 
I made mistakes back then 
I'll never do it again 
With my next girl 
She'll be nothing like my ex girl 
That was a painful dance 
Now I got a second chance 

Monday, January 31, 2011


I may have accidentally kissed this girl for half an hour- but oh she was so cute. I should know better to just leave well enough alone. I thought maybe I would take her out for sushi- but she is definitely more of a hot wings and beer dyke. We (@PrettyprincessG and I)  nicked named her THUGLIFE and the last text she sent to me will show you why we chose this name for her.

I just cannot. I just cannot!!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

My ex must be on crack.

I have a handful of exes but this one takes the cupcake!

I have 2 Gmail accounts.

I logged into one- the one that is associated to social networks, the one I give out to boys, you know your side email. And low and behold all emails were already read.

Did I happen to read them from my phone when I was on the toilet? NOPE.

Gmail says the last activity on my account was few hours ago from an ip addy located in METARIE, LA!


I am speechless.


For a very long time- I either did not remember my dreams or did not have any. For a very long time I did not go to sleep; I feel asleep. I would stay awake until I just could not take being awake anymore and crashed either on my couch or my bed.

For nearly a year, I have made every effort to actually go to bed. To make the effort to lay down, relax and drift into sleep- not just pass out. And for nearly a year, I have remembered my dreams.

Most of my dreams are of boring menial tasks- cooking, shoe shopping, having coffee or lunch with friends from the past- nothing exciting.

But last night, in my dream, I was a stripper.

In my dream, I was not on stage, but back stage, getting ready (I guess) putting make up on and smoothing the bra strap indentions out of my skin.

I wonder why I dreamed of this- as much as I talk down the profession and make huge generalizations of the women who strip for pay.